Same shit-different person
My recently divorced daughter re connected with a guy she dated once 20 years ago. They have a lot in common with their work (both online jobs). He has a 15 year old daughter but has never married, and my daughter has has 2 sons (6 and 9). He’s tall and works out which are 2 of his positive traits. They laugh and carry on like teenagers and it’s joy to see her so silly and happy. He lives in another state and won’t make a move until his daughter has graduated from high school. My daughter can’t move there with her ex-husband who has joint custody and a generous visitation. Giving up the boys to their father is out of the question. I’ve lived with my daughter and grandsons since they were born, so I have an intimate view of the family dynamics.
What I didn’t know until the divorce is that her husband wasn’t ever in favor of my moving in to help with day care for the boys. I’m already starting to see cracks in the new relationship that resemble the previous situation. I find myself repeating the self-honoring choices of keeping my interaction at a distance when he visits. I’m not paranoid about COVID but it doesn’t feel good to see the two travel back and forth to see each other without regard about my safety with the virus. I managed to keep my mouth shut when the two of them were together, but I could feel the stress building inside of me at the thought of him being here becoming a permanent arrangement. I am so grateful for the learning and growth I experienced at the University of Santa Monica Spiritual Psychology. That experience helped me cope and realize that I had unresolved issues and that I needed to address. I turned to former classmates for support and guidance to feel the peace that I KNOW is available to all of us. I found I could support my daughter, and TRUST all would be as it should.
As time went by, property was considered, perhaps a home to be built and a blending of families was forming. A daughter, a father, 2 boys (their mother) and me. The fateful question no one thought before was asked by my daughter one weekend we were all together. What happens if daughter doesn’t want to move here to California for college? The answer? Dad would not be coming either. The relationship would be a long distance one. That was unacceptable and just like that — daughter and father left to return to Michigan and my broken-hearted daughter began to process what had just happened. I cried for her heart, hugged her, listened to her and surrounded her with love. I think it’s true when I hear it said that your kids are always your kids-no matter how old they are.
